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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2007 10:19:21 GMT
It started as a Northants-only private thing for Burton Cons Exiles. Mick Loake (aka Herr van Puebik - great character if you meet him) set down the framework for earning tart points, which started out thus:
for Crap Shots;
for inappropriate remarks;
for successfully knocking over black pins;
for any criticisms of the administrator of the scheme.
What started out as a stigma for being awarded points soon was seen as an accolade, and extra categories were added :
for spilling you pint or nearly doing it ('beer juggling');
for making bad jokes or puns;
for any mention of food.
Being a naturally nosey person, I soon became embroiled in the fun and was warmly received into the Northants bosom. There was then some discussion as to how global they should make it.
After the Colemanators becoming the butt of quite a bit of frivolity, the Final Table for the Summer was published, with Roo Hare being the winner, by a slender margin from Tony Blair. I was awarded an honorary membership.
I made some late nominations of Richard Wooton for his surfing shorts, and Fazza for flirting openly on the Forum with Lorin Clough.
And that's just pages one and two !
From page three onwards, the following sequence of events happened:
Sheep jokes (they play a large part)
A competition to find a better nickname for Milhouse
KT was nominated for continually winning tournaments
Milko got dragged in for making some innuendoes
Q put his oar in about innapropriate attire
Mario got dragged in
Milhouse with his Everton shirt became a prime target
More about sheep
I tried to put the brakes on as I approached my 1000th post and there was much goading.
Kipling Spies were arranged to be posted at major events
Sparky got caught up in it all
Roo invented a 'Tartometer'
A second division had to be formed
A young Northants guy had a hilarious golfing accident
Nobby the Sheep made his entrance
The Crown and Anchor table itself was awarded some points
Stuart Mepham got dragged in.
Q put loads of pictures of cats up for reasons only known to himself.
Then we all discovered how to post pictures using a host website, and it all took off from there (around page 20)
Herr van Puebik himself made his 500th post to become a Distinguished Tart Member (as Sav insisted) and the rest should be familiar.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2007 10:36:34 GMT
So here is an extract from the final Kipling Tart Points table from 2006 for anyone involved in the Mid Sussex League :
1. Clive (Homer PINK cardigan Claire) Thompson 6666 pts
5. Bernie (Q) Lawrance 5119 pts
8. Graham (Sparky) Sparksman 4982 pts
17. Margo Thompson 4411 pts
27. Mike (MrMike007) Holmwood 2967 pts
34. Jock (No CD otherwise known as Richard) Jeffrey 2073 pts
35. Gordon Brett 2069 pts
38. Rob (Sneezy) Driver 1762 pts
39. Andy (The Toast) Farmer-Wright 1758 pts
41. Derek (Evertonian type shirt) Taylor 1202 pts
Anyone disputing their appearance on this table, don't write to me, get in touch with : Herr von Puebik, Butler's Residence, A stately home somewhere in Northants, England.
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Post by Colemanator on Mar 5, 2007 15:29:02 GMT
Anyone disputing their appearance on this table, don't write to me, get in touch with : Herr von Puebik, Butler's Residence, A stately home somewhere in Northants, England. You forgot to say about it being haunted :D |
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Post by Sparky on Mar 5, 2007 18:51:31 GMT
Anyone disputing their appearance on this table, don't write to me, get in touch with : Herr von Puebik, Butler's Residence, A stately home somewhere in Northants, England. You forgot to say about it being haunted :D You forget that it was only haunted before H/V/P took up residence.......nobody knows what happened to the ghosts but the rumours abound ;D ;D |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2007 19:39:09 GMT
So here, with appropriate graphics, is how we stand so far in 2007: 1. Clive (Claire Alapetia Puppyphile ) Thompson 17666 pts 3. Bernie (Q) Lawrance  16811 pts 12. Graham (Sparky Who's a pretty boy then) Sparksman 9651 pts 18. Richard (JockStrap  )Jeffreys 7348 pts 20. Kevin (BB Flirter ) Hall 5872 pts 25. Ian (Nobby's Nuts) Giffen 4443 pts 29. Master Adam (Catweazel impressionist) Bateup 4311 pts 37. Margo (Claires wife) Thompson 11 pts |
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Post by Chunky Monkey on Mar 6, 2007 17:09:47 GMT
5872 points is that all!!!!! looks like i gotta do more flirting (josie where are you?) ;D ;D
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Post by Colemanator on Mar 6, 2007 17:34:15 GMT
You forgot to say about it being haunted :D You forget that it was only haunted before H/V/P took up residence.......nobody knows what happened to the ghosts but the rumours abound ;D ;D Not saying that he looks like a ghost, no. been said before that he may resemble a Butler from a haunted house ;) :D |
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Post by Sparky on Mar 6, 2007 17:39:30 GMT
Not saying that he looks like a ghost, no. been said before that he may resemble a Butler from a haunted house ;) :D Now I understand why he speaks slowly, with a deep voice and says "You rang sir?" |
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womble
Junior Forum Member
Posts: 18
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Post by womble on Mar 6, 2007 17:56:49 GMT
hi i think peter edwards deserves a kipling award 4 knocking over black peg twice cause he was losing 2 master bateup by about 1000 and gettin very upset :'( :D ;D
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Post by Sparky on Mar 6, 2007 18:06:59 GMT
hi i think peter edwards deserves a kipling award 4 knocking over black peg twice cause he was losing 2 master bateup by about 1000 and gettin very upset :'( :D ;D Don't worry as 'chief snitch' Tommo will soon report back to his Herr ;D ;D ;D |
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Mar 6, 2007 21:02:56 GMT
..............and you lot thought I wasn't watching well welcome to the club Mr Edwards :P and as for the rest of you..........
oh and I'm still considering the Womble for snitching :o
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2007 21:44:01 GMT
Yeah the Womble needs points purely for being associated with a team called the Brewers Droops who feature Jock the Strap and Master Bateup ! ;D
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 12, 2007 19:49:39 GMT
Oy you forgot that we also have a fat farmer, a mighty midget, our very own noddy and a sheriff. Not of course forgetting the dark and mysterious entity known only as 'THE WHITE VAN MAN'!!!!!!
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 12, 2007 19:53:30 GMT
Do I get any points for getting moderated?
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 13, 2007 18:20:22 GMT
Got to award Adam 'master' Bateup points for playing the last ball into 200 with the butt end of his cue, whilst wearing his worst pair o shorts yet, (originating in Bermuda some several years ago), and continuing to sport his silly pony tail, and muffly drunken eyebrow type beard thing!
he potted the ball as well, and yes would have lost if he had blacked!!!! ??? :o ;D yes these are pretty much how I looked!
Bernie went one better but that was in the 'friendly' afterwards so don't count! :P
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2007 18:41:27 GMT
Well, you're racking up the KPs thick and fast now, Sir Jock.
Let me see, points for exposing whole team, points for snitching on Master Bateup, but points taken off for not criticising the administration.
Those can go to the Womble along with an infinitesmal number of points for not being a womble at all, preferring to support a crap team known as Che - - - - Che - - - - no, I can't even say it. :(
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womble
Junior Forum Member
Posts: 18
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Post by womble on Apr 13, 2007 19:09:49 GMT
thanks tommo and its CHELSEA at least we r still in europe unlike spurs and arsenal and in the runnin 4 title still so how many kippling points do i get then? :o
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 14, 2007 17:42:38 GMT
Crap, rubbish and shi*e all mixed into one team!!!! Where will it all end? Come on the MIGHTY MIGHTY Liverpool!!!!!
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 14, 2007 17:45:10 GMT
Sorry tommo me old mucker didn't think the administration was worth any further criticism as we all know how crap it is!!!!!
But to be fair they do TRY hard to please!!!! Themselves mostly I grant you but they do TRY!
Jock
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Post by Q on Apr 16, 2007 12:09:14 GMT
Sorry tommo me old mucker didn't think the administration was worth any further criticism as we all know how crap it is!!!!! Sir Jock O' you've got it ALL wrong....... The administrator you have to criticize is the one and only HVP, adminstrator, owner and general GOD of the Kipling Awards. (he's also a pi$$ artist, pi$$ taker and lots of other things, but, with respect I dont want to be accused of dissing him ;D ) |
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Post by Q on Apr 16, 2007 12:10:37 GMT
Oy you forgot that we also have a fat farmer, a mighty midget, our very own noddy and a sheriff. Not of course forgetting the dark and mysterious entity known only as 'THE WHITE VAN MAN'!!!!!! and how about a Q on Mondays??? |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2007 12:34:55 GMT
Oy you forgot that we also have a fat farmer, a mighty midget, our very own noddy and a sheriff. Not of course forgetting the dark and mysterious entity known only as 'THE WHITE VAN MAN'!!!!!! and how about a Q on Mondays??? ...............and not forgetting the dreaded master Bate-up, who could pass as Catweazel's love child. ;) |
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Apr 16, 2007 15:29:19 GMT
Hmmm.......I nearly missed this bit of Tart activity........must get round to wrapping it all up, probably tomorrow if I get a chance........obviously after Jock O the Strap has had his points added on :P
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2007 9:45:30 GMT
Hmmm.......I nearly missed this bit of Tart activity........must get round to wrapping it all up, probably tomorrow if I get a chance........obviously after Jock O the Strap has had his points added on :P Gratifying to know that Roo's tartometer is fully functional and that the indicator isn't busted ! ;) |
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 17, 2007 20:48:25 GMT
Ah I see, ok, don't know him, will look for some of his posts, get a feel for him, NO not get a feel off him you sad man. Well played last night buddy, now go moderate yourself!!!!
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 17, 2007 20:52:56 GMT
Oy you forgot that we also have a fat farmer, a mighty midget, our very own noddy and a sheriff. Not of course forgetting the dark and mysterious entity known only as 'THE WHITE VAN MAN'!!!!!! and how about a Q on Mondays??? This is the Mid Sussex section, but your right, full team listing as follows Richard 'Sir Jock o The Strap' Jeffrey Andy 'The Fat Farmer' Wright Bernie 'Q' Lawrence Richard 'The sheriff' Shepherd Adam 'Master' Bateup Colin 'Noddy' Humphrey Alan 'Mighty Midget' Humphrey Lyn 'Womble' Wren And of course 'The White Van Man' |
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womble
Junior Forum Member
Posts: 18
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Post by womble on Apr 18, 2007 15:01:34 GMT
hi jock i may not be signed up but u can't forget me surley ;) :D ;D :P :-* and how about a Q on Mondays??? This is the Mid Sussex section, but your right, full team listing as follows Richard 'Sir Jock o The Strap' Jeffrey Andy 'The Fat Farmer' Wright Bernie 'Q' Lawrence Richard 'The sheriff' Shepherd Adam 'Master' Bateup Colin 'Noddy' Humphrey Alan 'Mighty Midget' Humphrey And of course 'The White Van Man' |
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 18, 2007 18:33:43 GMT
Sorry!!! Fixed it now!!!! XXXXXXXXXX
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Post by ponytailguy on Apr 19, 2007 13:01:18 GMT
just wondering where did the apprent name catweasle come from for me i dont mind just wondered
love me
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Post by Q on Apr 19, 2007 13:48:09 GMT
I didnt realise this was you.....
Welcome to the forum Adam.
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