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Post by davejones on May 24, 2021 20:26:37 GMT
BBC executives say they regret asking a man called Dyson to investigate the Diana interview scandal, as he picked up far more dirt than they expected!
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Post by davejones on Jun 4, 2021 19:17:10 GMT
When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was...
"Frayed Sew"!
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Post by davejones on Jun 8, 2021 20:49:34 GMT
A farmer in Wales has trained his sheep to sing the songs of a famous Irish band. He now plans to take them on tour.
Ewe 2 will be performing in Cardiff next month.
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Post by bigjimsilverfox on Jun 15, 2021 12:46:13 GMT
The police knocked on my door this morning... “Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked. “No I said.” “What about G.D. then?” “No means nothing to me.” I said. “How about A.J.?” “Look,” I said “am I suspected of something?” “No sir.” They said “These are just initial enquiries.”
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Post by davejones on Jun 15, 2021 19:57:25 GMT
Sweden defended resolutely last night.
As the home of IKEA, they played a flat-pack four.
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Post by davejones on Jun 16, 2021 19:49:58 GMT
Scientists are making a big show about this new crop of Okra they engineered to not give you gas...
It's called Okra Windfrey.
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Post by davejones on Jun 19, 2021 19:50:28 GMT
My wife asked me to put olive oil on the shopping list.
Now it's all soggy.
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Post by davejones on Jun 23, 2021 20:49:56 GMT
The Bank of England's new £50 note featuring the portrait of Alan Turing has entered circulation.
No doubt their existence will remain an enigma to me.
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Post by davejones on Jun 28, 2021 20:15:21 GMT
I don’t know but whenever I see the Dutch play it makes me want to go out and buy a Terry’s Chocolate Orange
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Post by bigjimsilverfox on Jul 6, 2021 21:31:32 GMT
My teacher said I’d be no good at poetry due to my dyslexia, but so far I’ve made three jugs and a vase. So screw you Mr McPherson!
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Post by davejones on Jul 9, 2021 19:44:07 GMT
Just read a great book about cutting down large trees.
The author is TIm ber
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Post by davejones on Jul 13, 2021 20:26:02 GMT
Traffic wardens, don't bother putting a penalty on Marcus Rashfords car if it's illegally parked.
He'll only miss it.
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Post by davejones on Aug 3, 2021 19:56:20 GMT
Mr Smith you have been accused of stealing 36 rolls of Cushelle toilet paper.
How do you plead? quilty or not quilty.
(Nod to Milton Jones)
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Post by Chris_Sav on Oct 8, 2021 19:38:47 GMT
We have recently tamed a small hawk. He eats out of our hands and comes when we call him.
He sleeps on a ledge in our garden shed at night and here is the problem.
Every morning when we go into the shed we find he has rearranged tools and generally moved machinery around.
It's a case of Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark.
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Post by milko on Oct 9, 2021 11:09:31 GMT
We have recently tamed a small hawk. He eats out of our hands and comes when we call him.
He sleeps on a ledge in our garden shed at night and here is the problem.
Every morning when we go into the shed we find he has rearranged tools and generally moved machinery around. It's a case of Our Kestrel Manoeuvres In The Dark. I will be seeing them live in Bournemouth on Nov 14th
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Post by Dave Hampton on Aug 9, 2022 20:26:56 GMT
I've just burned my Hawaiian pizza.
I probably should've cooked it at aloha temperature.
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Post by davejones on Aug 10, 2022 20:59:02 GMT
West Ham signing Maxwell Cornet should have been given the number 99 shirt!
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Post by davejones on Apr 19, 2023 16:44:24 GMT
I went to see a UB40 tribute band the other night called WD40.
They were a bit Rusty to start with, but got much better as the evening went on.
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