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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 9:27:38 GMT
Here's a bit of fun. Talking to the Halls the other night, the conversation got round to ironing shirts - which I had to admit I'm hopeless at. (Too many appendages like collars, sleeves, cuffs and then you have to do round the buttons - then you have to flip the thing over and start again. ::))
So, not a quiz, but confession time............ What's your list of ten things you cannot do ? I'll go first.
1. Iron a shirt. 2. Play the bagpipes (can't keep the things steady). 3. Dive head-first into water. 4. Loft a golf shot over water. 5. Paint a ceiling. 6. Put digital photos up on my PC. 7. Put up shelves. 8. Play cribbage (one for his knob - what's that about ? :o) 9. Get back down onto a ladder from a roof without assistance. 10. Service the brakes on a car.
Over to you !
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Post by Q on Apr 26, 2007 9:29:47 GMT
You forgot to add 'play bar billiards' ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 9:32:02 GMT
You forgot to add 'play bar billiards' ;D Agree, at this moment in time. :-/ But the list is intended to cover what you have never been able, or are ever very likely to be able, to do.
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Post by Chunky Monkey on Apr 26, 2007 9:36:06 GMT
1 - multi task 2 - drve and follow directions 3 - drive from any where without stopping off at my local (Yes Alchoholic) 4 - hold a conversation without swearing 5 - keep 4 wheels on road (Both smash ups not my fault) 6 - Find any of my cloths (I hate brothers) 7 - Type with more than one fingure 8 - Sneeze without closing my eyes 9 - go clubbing without getting into a fight 10 - Breath under water
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Post by Q on Apr 26, 2007 9:36:07 GMT
In which case 'play bar billiards' should be added to mine.
Have you read your PM Clive
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Post by Q on Apr 26, 2007 9:49:11 GMT
I'll start mine now... and add to it later.
1. Packing (Damn ProBoards keeps getting in the way ;)) 2. Touch a spider 3. Ironing (Iagree with everthing you say Clive) 4. Give way to drivers trying to 'cut in' 5. Resist a 'burn up' 6. Get a 20k score in BB 7. Get a 10k score in Lewes 8. Win an arguement with 'she who must be obeyed' 9. Throw away junk (It'll come in useful one day) 10. Think of a number 10 for this list ;D
Now back to the packing.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 10:23:44 GMT
It's okay to comment on other peoples list as long as it's in a nice way.
Q's list is interesting.
2. Spiders - there's hope. In the last few years I've conquered my own phobias of blood, spiders and flying.
5. Mr Burns strikes again in the form of Mr Burn-up. Yes, nobody ever beats me away from traffic lights, as my car's rotary engine allows me to floor the throttle and keep accelerating up to 7500 revs in all gears !
6. I just can't seem to score fast enough. My concentration is better now though on the rare occasions I get to play on a really fast top. Once I can do 18k at home (my clock only lasts 16 minutes) I'll know I've cracked it. Not quite there yet.
8. Agree with that one wholeheartedly. The trick though is to let them think they've won the argument although you know that really they haven't ! ;)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 10:32:26 GMT
Nice list, Kev. No.10 can be overcome with one of these ;) :
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Post by Q on Apr 26, 2007 10:47:07 GMT
5 - keep 4 wheels on road (Both smash ups not my fault) 10 - Breath under water Solved 2 of your problems in one stroke
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Post by Chunky Monkey on Apr 26, 2007 10:50:10 GMT
tommo i cant do that either. there is no hope for me.
Q, i also have a fear of spiders.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 11:24:10 GMT
Talking of spiders, this is one of my favourite posts, lifted from the "What Bugs You ?" thread : What Bugs Milko1. Those horrible “Man eating” garden spiders, you know, the ones that build massive webs and sits in the middle waiting for poor old milko to come along and walk straight into the middle of it. I know where some are going to be on my round, so rather than getting a mouthful of spider, silk or supper leftovers (flys,moths,daddylonglegs, etc), I flap my arms in the air, people must think I’m having a funny turn if anybody is watching. ::) 2. The female spider, after the poor old male has done his good deed, she will eat him if he doesn't make a sharp exit. :o 3. Those ghastly disgusting slugs, you can guarantee on a wet night that they have climbed up the bottle and stuck themselves inside the lip, so when I puts my fingers in I get squashed slug. >:( 4. Snails, they have a liking for my customers notes, you open it and find a great big hole where they have munched at it and I’m supposed to know what the customer wants. >:( 5. Cats, their eyes staring at me in the dark as I go up the garden path. :o 6. Ice, “Milkos nightmare” I slide about like “Torvill & Dean. ;D 7. Heavy rain, I hate it, it goes right through you. I’m a bit SOGGY by the time I get home, 8 hours later, after starting out at 11.45 at night. :( 8. Customer notes, the ones that say “no milk today”, after you’ve walked half a mile up the path. >:( 9. Milk Floats, they are too slow and hold up the traffic. ;) 10. People that want to buy a pint of milk at night, with a TEN pound note. >:( 11. Idiots that keep pinching my milk, if they asked me for one, I would have given it to them, Over Their Head. >:( ;) I LOVE MY JOB………honest 8-) ;D :-* The moral of the story: If you can't handle man-eating spiders, you'll never make a milko. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Q on Apr 26, 2007 11:31:35 GMT
It's okay to comment on other peoples list as long as it's in a nice way. Q's list is interesting. 5. Mr Burns strikes again in the form of Mr Burn-up. Yes, nobody ever beats me away from traffic lights, as my car's rotary engine allows me to floor the throttle and keep accelerating up to 7500 revs in all gears ! But you CAN be overtaken by a 1 litre 3cylinder Corsa on the A23 ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 11:49:46 GMT
But you CAN be overtaken by a 1 litre 3cylinder Corsa on the A23 ;D ;D ;D Only 'cos I let you. Got frustrated with having to keep stopping to allow you to catch up. ;D
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Josie
Full Forum Member
Posts: 365
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Post by Josie on Apr 26, 2007 12:43:26 GMT
Well obviously, being a woman, a mother and always right, there aren't 10 things I cannot do - but I shall attempt a list regardless!!!!
1. Anything that flies near my head (bats, moths, bees, flys etc.)
2. Understand the off-side rule!!! ;)
3. Technical gadgets - the simpler the better.
4. Download pictures from my camera. (Or indeed print them at Tesco - last time I attempted that it cost me a fortune because I printed 156 photos - don't know how!!!)
5. Walk past a shoe shop without going in. (Imelda Marcus eat your heart out 8-)!!)
6. Get my lovely son (Callum) to eat his dinner! >:(
7. Turn up first somewhere. (ie when meeting in a pub/restuarant etc.)
8. Ride a motorbike (but I'd love to!)
9. Drink more than 2 alcoholic drinks before getting drunk and telling Margo about Albatrosses!!! 8-)
10. Be wrong! :-*
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Post by Chunky Monkey on Apr 26, 2007 13:37:40 GMT
5 - keep 4 wheels on road (Both smash ups not my fault) 10 - Breath under water Solved 2 of your problems in one stroke Love it Q, i also like the punn, solve two of your problems in one stroke.
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Apr 26, 2007 15:03:33 GMT
1 Walk when drunk 2 Walk and chew gum 3 Put flat pack together without putting the screwdriver through at least one finger 4 Crack eggs without breaking the yolk 5 Sneeze without having to change my shirt 6 Find my beer so I have to drink someone elses 7 Open cigar wrappers 8 Have just one pint 9 Win more than a tenner on the lottery 10 Finish the Kipling table :P
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Post by Colemanator on Apr 26, 2007 16:27:43 GMT
1, Park a car between two other cars on a roadside :-/
2, Leave a pub before closing time ::)
3, Clean up puke :D
4, Housework :D
5, Gardening :D
6, Retire >:(
7, Agree with the other half 8-)
8, Make custard ::)
9, Find an ex girlfriends phone number :-*
10, Pluck up the courage for an affair (again) 8-)
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2007 16:43:33 GMT
1. Anything that flies near my head (bats, moths, bees, flys etc.) 9. Drink more than 2 alcoholic drinks before getting drunk and telling Margo about Albatrosses!!! 8-) Steady girl ! Take care for low-flying albatrosses. ;) ;D
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Josie
Full Forum Member
Posts: 365
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Post by Josie on Apr 26, 2007 20:32:32 GMT
Take care for low-flying albatrosses. ;) ;D Tommo - don't worry. I'm being very very careful - you never do know when they'll land in your hair!!!!!!
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Post by mickthehammer on Apr 26, 2007 20:58:46 GMT
Finally got to put this lot on! ::) 1/ Be without My Lovely wife.. :-* :-* :-* 2/ Support another football team... :o 3/ Become Gay... :-[ :o 4/ Have sex with an animal... :-[ :o 5/ Go back to the Army... :'( 6/ Swallow a beer standing on my head... ;D 7/ influence a referee... >:( 8/ Play Bar Billiards... :-/ ::) 9/ feel any fear after 5 double Jack Daniels... >:( :o :-[ 10/ Listen to country music... ;D ;D ;D Hope these are ok Tommo....? Mick
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Post by Sir Chancelot on Apr 26, 2007 22:44:05 GMT
You forgot to add 'play bar billiards' ;D Agree, at this moment in time. :-/ But the list is intended to cover what you have never been able, or are ever very likely to be able, to do. 1 - Mend my computer when it goes wrong. 2 - Go back to sleep after my daughters come home from clubbing. 3 - Eat an airline meal without geting cramp. 4 - Puting suntan oil on that part of my back you can not reach. 5 - Read a text message on my mobile phone when it is sunny. 6 - Remembering the birthday of 'er indoors 7 - Being polite and civalised to the less fortunate Jersey folk. 8 - Puting the cap back on the toothpaste tube. 9 - Writing christmas cards. 10 - Staying sober at christmas.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2007 11:37:34 GMT
Keep 'em coming, they've all been good so far.
Ten more things I can’t do
11. Sleep without snoring or dribbling. 12. Pull young birds like I used to. :-[ 13. Watch snooker without falling asleep. 14. Stop laughing when any programme with Catherine Tate, Peter Kaye or Paul Whitehouse is on. 15. Drive through Croydon, Salisbury or Bridgwater and find my way out of the other side. >:( 16. Bear to see any programme on TV showing animals being killed. >:( >:( >:( 17. Travel at more than 138mph on land, at which speed my bottle goes. :o 18. Persuade my firm to let me go (3 redundancy requests so far, all declined). ::) 19. Be bothered to play the stock market any more. (So much effort, so little return) 20. Play a fruit machine and know what I’m doing on it.
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Post by Q on Apr 28, 2007 11:42:58 GMT
Keep 'em coming, they've all been good so far. Ten more things I can’t do17. Travel at more than 138mph on land, at which speed my bottle goes. :o Which brings me on to another idea.... AMBITIONS. I have had a 'recorded' 140mph (probably no more than 130mph actual), but my ambition is to crack the 150mph. If I achieve that I'll more than likely want 160mph and so on... but...
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Post by hon Vice President on Apr 28, 2007 12:12:09 GMT
1/ Beat Dave Hampton. ::)
2/ Bring myself to like - or appreciate, Man U
3/ Or Chelsea... ;D
4/ Eat sprouts.
5/ Clean up that stuff full of diced carrot which would be a natural consequence of doing 4
6/ Drink Fosters / carlsberg / 4x - fizzy water in other words ;)
7/ understand why synchronised swimming is: a) an olympic sport and b) why it was invented in the first place!
8/ get interested in DIY
9/ manage without my mobile
10/ Contemplate ever, ever buying a BMW!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 29, 2007 21:42:53 GMT
I can't...........
1) Do my job (to my boss' complete satisfaction) 2) Swim terribly well 3) Lift my left arm higher than 90 degrees 4) Drive a golf ball anything like consistently 5) Find a will Bar Billiards league team 6) Sleep well on a Sunday night (haven't had a good sleep on a Sunday night for approx 22 years. I realise it's a mental thing now.) 7) Stop myself being annoyed by people who are uncaring or self obsessed 8) Manage my time as effectively as I'd like 9) Get enough of Celtic FC 10) Believe it's not butter.
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2007 10:27:22 GMT
10 more things I can’t do.
21. Watch my club in Conference South next season. :-[ :-[ :-[ 22. Watch Gordon Brown on TV without wanting to put my boot through the screen. >:( >:( >:( 23. Score at a faster rate than 1000 per minute. :-/ 24. Hire a Taxi except in exceptionally rare circumstances. 25. Draw a circle straight. 26. Kill a spider. 27. Calculate the square root of minus one. 28. Touch my elbow with the hand of the same arm. 29. Eat a Starburst (Opal Fruit) without chewing it. 30. Think in metric measurements (feet/inches, pounds/ounces, quarts/pints are still fine by me).
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2007 12:18:04 GMT
But what about fruit pastilles?
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Post by davejones on May 2, 2007 19:32:23 GMT
I cannot reduce my "carbon footprint"
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2007 20:53:59 GMT
I cannot vote tomorrow due to lack of choice.
Get this right - this is the situation in my ward.
I have the option to vote for upto 3 names on the ballot paper as there are 3 seats available in the ward.
My choice is as follows: Member of Party A (supported by party machine)......or.... Member of Party A (again supported by the machine).......or..... Independant (former member of Party A but fell out due to planning permission not granted on his own house).....or...... Member of Party A (again supported by the machine).......or..... Independant (former member of Party A but has decided to be independant because of refuse collection changes)........or..... Independant (former member of Party A expelled due to extreme right wing views)
Now, this is particularly difficult for me because I am, and always have been, deeply offended by party A due to what they did when in government. The 'independants' are still Party A really. Also, Party B and Party C are not even represented for some reason. The current government chose not to be represented and the party likely to stand any chance to push the incumbant in this very rural area.
I don't like the fact that I don't have a choice.
So there!
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2007 21:05:03 GMT
Party B and Party C are not even represented for some reason. The current government chose not to be represented and the party likely to stand any chance to push the incumbant in this very rural area. I don't like the fact that I don't have a choice. So there! Obviously too cowardly to put forward a candidate as they realise they're in for a stuffing ! No sympathy. ;D
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