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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 5, 2006 12:27:51 GMT
With only the 2nd leg of the summer league final to play the positions in the Kipling Award are as follows -
Roo (Convoy) Hare 308 pts Ian (The Barrel) Jellis 136 pts Leigh (Sherlock) Holmes 48 pts Paul (Pratnav) Jellis 37 1/2 pts Mick (Herr von PuebiK) Loake 1 pt
This is based on Tart points awarded for crap shots, inappropriate remarks, successfully knocking over black pins (20 pts) and critisising any award of Tart points. Although it looks like the Barrel has run away with the league it is theorectically possible for Roo (Black Pin) Hare to catch up. Pratnav and Sherlock are fairly neck and neck for 3rd + 4th place and it is fairly unlikely that I will get any more Tart points myself.
Final results will be published after next weeks Final 2nd leg with the trophy for the Kipling Award for the Biggest Tart in the Exiles to be presented at a later date. :P
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Roo "Convoy!!"
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Post by Roo "Convoy!!" on Sept 5, 2006 15:09:45 GMT
:o Only 2nd. I thought I was 'Jammier' than Jel! That must deserve some extra tart points :o
:) What is the prize by the way Herr Von? If it's a real life tart I may have to clear it with Heather first! :P
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 5, 2006 15:35:52 GMT
Roo tell Heather not to worry ::) As only a tart would think they would get a real tart for winning you have just earned another 6 points taking you up to 74 pts :o :o
If a real tart wos 1st prize do you really think I would only have 1 pt :-*
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Roo "Convoy!!"
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Post by Roo "Convoy!!" on Sept 5, 2006 17:01:49 GMT
:o I suppose I better be careful how I answer that one!!! :-X
Factors to consider why Herr Von would not consider taking on a 'real' Tart, prefering to opt for the bottom of the Kipling Table:
??? Age and Level of Fitness (Wheezing has been noted!) :o Direction of Swing (may currently prefer Philippino Boys or Small Furry Animals) :P Motivation (opting to drink heavily instead) ;) Ability to Hold a 'Tart-Like' Conversation (i.e. How long have you been a Tart or I bet you meet some very interesting people in your line of work?)
Taxi for Convoy!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 6, 2006 7:58:34 GMT
Thank you for your observations Roo :(
??? Age and Level of Fitness (Wheezing has been noted!)
It wasn't wheezing you heard :-/ It was a big sigh when you knocked the black pin over on Monday ???
:o Direction of Swing (may currently prefer Philippino Boys or Small Furry Animals)
No and No :( Maybe big furry animals if they have a pleasant personality :)
:P Motivation (opting to drink heavily instead)
Maybe :P
;) Ability to Hold a 'Tart-Like' Conversation (i.e. How long have you been a Tart or I bet you meet some very interesting people in your line of work?)
Roo after having countless discussions with yourself I think I am qualified to hold a 'tart like' conversation ;D ;D ;D ;D
The above comments have gained you 60 additional Tart pts putting you now only 2 behind the Barrel :o :o :o :o
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Roo "Convoy!!"
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Post by Roo "Convoy!!" on Sept 6, 2006 8:21:49 GMT
;D RESULT!!!! ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 6, 2006 10:22:41 GMT
I know your a bit of a trophy hunter Roo but only a tart would want to win the Kipling Award so I've added the 60 pts on and now doubled your score to date so you don't need to rely on black pin points :o :o :o The original post has now been modified to show the new positions :) If Jel is as determined as you are there could be a bit of a battle when he gets back from his hols 8-)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 11:29:58 GMT
Mein Herr, This rather sounds like you're making up the rules as you're going along. ::) I've sent you a proper Tarts Test which should sort out the tarts from the vicars (and I suppose the sheep from the goats while we're at it.) :P
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 6, 2006 12:17:57 GMT
Mein Tommo
Of course I don't make the rules up as I go along ::) If you were an Exile you would have gone to the top of the league for that remark >:(
Perhaps I should change the rules to include outsiders ;D ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 12:44:30 GMT
Are you saying I'm a tart ? Only with my hairstyle I'm better qualified to be a vicar. :-/
Besides I don't to steal the thunder away from Roo or Jel.
I do like Mr Kipling though, cherry bakewells especially. ;)
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Roo "Convoy!!"
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Post by Roo "Convoy!!" on Sept 6, 2006 13:55:59 GMT
:o Nice try on the defensive Tommo, however, mein capitain tends to have the last word on rules and with his fetish for 'larger' furry animals (with personality!), I am not going to argue with him, especially as barbilliards is normally played with your back to the team/opposition. :-X
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 14:28:35 GMT
Well I don't mind being voted an "honorary tart", Roo. As long as I'm not expected to consort with any of the large furry animals referred to in earlier dispatches. ;) :)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 6, 2006 14:37:07 GMT
40 pts to Roo for inference :( No Roo I haven't misspelt interference :-*
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 10:08:27 GMT
;) Ability to Hold a 'Tart-Like' Conversation (i.e. How long have you been a Tart Don't I get any points for this, then, mein Herr ? ;) I should also be scoring heavily in the level of fitness category as my asthma seems to have returned after a 30-year absence. :o
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 7, 2006 11:32:31 GMT
Tommo undoubtabably you are a damn fine top quality tart but the rules as they stand don't allow me to award points to anyone outside of the Exiles :( However I am making a proposal at this years AEBBA AGM to form a National League :o :o
My main problem is wot should count as ranking points if it is a National league and should we allow Guernsey and Jersey to participate in which case would that make it The Kipling Award for the Worlds Biggest Tart.
Perhaps we should start separate threads and vote on each individual point :-X
Until such time I will have to keep our league within the rules already made (even if they change now and then) :P
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Post by Hammy on Sept 7, 2006 12:14:29 GMT
Tommo, don't get involved in the Tart points!! I have experienced them first hand. The Exiles rip into each other as much as we rip into Chas Peel on a typical Monday BBB night! ;D :D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 12:17:10 GMT
I think you're probably wise to keep it that way and not open it up to the Worlds Biggest Tart. Even Jel or Roo wouldn't be able to compete with the ones who flock to Tampa Bay for the annual bukkake competition (allegedly) :o :o :o
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Lolly
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Post by Lolly on Sept 7, 2006 16:39:41 GMT
OY, Now I am going to Tampa next week, hope you are not insinuating anything! >:( ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 16:44:02 GMT
OY, Now I am going to Tampa next week, hope you are not insinuating anything! >:( ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D I think we have a winner !!!!!! ;D ;D ;)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 7, 2006 16:46:33 GMT
Looks to me as if your just hedging your bets to make sure you get a trophy Chris ::) Now...if you had two spare tickets... you could take the Colemanators with you ;)
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Lolly
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Post by Lolly on Sept 7, 2006 19:07:19 GMT
There is no way I am going to Tampa with the Colmanators. I'll leave that to their significant others thanks :D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 19:18:13 GMT
Hope to goodness the Colemanators are able to keep them on a tight rein if that's the case. :o :o :o
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 8, 2006 8:45:45 GMT
Well if your not going to Tampa with the Colemanators maybe I'll go to Tampa with the Cons table ;) :-X ;D
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Lolly
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Post by Lolly on Sept 8, 2006 9:46:46 GMT
And I am sure it will not be the first time :-X You're not going to put your hand down the pockets and tickle its balls again are you? ;D You got your hand stuck last time! ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 8, 2006 10:13:51 GMT
It wos my foot that got stuck Chris :o :o :o my hands were behind my back :P
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Lolly
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Post by Lolly on Sept 10, 2006 12:50:53 GMT
Ahhhh this is the life. 35 degrees over here in Florida and not a Colemanator in site!
Good luck tomorrow chaps. Sorry I cant be there.
Thats good luck to both teams by the way. The final is really in the balance and may the best team win! :D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 11, 2006 10:43:53 GMT
Thanks Chris :) 30 degrees here matey but I am expecting a flurry of Colemanators later and it is rumoured that a Massive might blow in through the door tonight :o :o :o Lucky for us no-one takes the summer league seriously ;) ;D ;D
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Post by Hammy on Sept 11, 2006 11:52:57 GMT
The Summer League has got a bit more serious this year?? :o Then again perhaps that's because the Burton A didn't win much in the winter!!!?!? :o :o ::) :-X Sorry Triplex, Lolly, Massive, Colemanator, Pen and Lolly senior!! Couldn't resist that one. Just waiting for the dig back of how many years you won the league on the trot etc........................................................come on then Colemanator........................do your worse! ;D ;) :D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 12, 2006 7:16:52 GMT
Well it's the end of the summer league and the final has finally been played so after a hotly contested last game here are the results you have all been waiting for -
There are one or two late additions to the league as after reading the new rules I wrote at 1145 last night I noticed a loophole that allowed non-Exiles to be awarded points.
Roo (Convoy) Hare 4217 pts Tony (I'm going) Blair 4216 pts Honarary member Clive (Tommo) Thompson 4215 1/2 pts Honarary member Ian (The Barrel) Jellis 4215 pts
Leigh (Sherlock) Holmes 1439 pts Simon (Triplex) Coleman 1257 pts Honarary member Paul (Pratnav) Jellis 137 3/4 pts Mick (Herr von Puebik) Loake 2 pts
Congratulations to Roo for his persistence. Tony Blair was the runaway winner but had points deducted after announcing he would stand down as PM sometime in his lifetime. Triplex joined the contest after doing an incredible impression of Isaac Newton. Point to note though Simon, Isaac Newton explained the theory of gravity with an apple hitting his head not a pint of cider and he wasn't scoring my game in the final. Other than that it was quite entertaining ;D
My thanks to everyone who took part, especially to Tommo who scored all his points without one bad shot ::)
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Post by Hammy on Sept 12, 2006 7:36:32 GMT
............................so who actually won the side event? The Summer League titel? :)
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