Lolly
Distinguished Member
Chris Lawman
Posts: 578
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Post by Lolly on Oct 1, 2006 16:28:54 GMT
I have to say that I think that Mr Lolly has earnt himself countless ammounts of tart points, after making HVP work really hard on a Friday afternoon!! He even got a sweat on! :-[
Moving desks, tables, filing cabinets complete with concrete stablising blocks down flights of stairs was not our idea of fun! :-[ :-[
edited for typo :(
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2006 16:41:49 GMT
You have to keep an eye on that HVP, Lolly. Make sure he factored in your tarts points for showing off in front of your teammates last Sunday at Reading (well played, by the way. 8-))
And in case he wasn't paying attention properly, Milhouse posted this sheep joke last Friday : Did you hear about the New Zealand farmer who thought he had an STD ? It turns out that he was just allergic to wool
Points owing too to Johnny the Split for being naive over his nickname. ;)
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Post by milhouse on Oct 2, 2006 9:50:41 GMT
And in case he wasn't paying attention properly, Milhouse posted this sheep joke last Friday : Did you hear about the New Zealand farmer who thought he had an STD ? It turns out that he was just allergic to wool Points owing too to Johnny the Split for being naive over his nickname. ;) How can you not pay attention to my jokes ??? ;) ;D And why extra points for sheep jokes ? I have more if thats the case ;D ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 2, 2006 11:14:58 GMT
I've had a peep back at the current league positions and can confirm that there will be changes in the next update :P
JG will be in as he's been using his name for some time without knowing why. Millhouse has earned some extra points for his jokes although the first time I read the sheep one I actually thought it wos medical advice :-/ Q and Tommo...........don't need to say anything really ::)
As for Lolly he'll definitely get points for not turning up this morning to move the heavy desks and cabinets ;)
Katie is in danger of losing top spot as nobody has reported him winning anything for a week :o :o Hopefully he can sleep at night without worrying too much ;D
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Post by milhouse on Oct 2, 2006 12:59:33 GMT
JG will be in as he's been using his name for some time without knowing why. Millhouse has earned some extra points for his jokes although the first time I read the sheep one I actually thought it wos medical advice :-/ Q and Tommo...........don't need to say anything really ::) Is that because one of the jokes have been sheep orientated ? or because they are so good and funny ? ;) ;D
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jel
Distinguished Member
ian jellis
Posts: 949
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Post by jel on Oct 2, 2006 14:21:11 GMT
dont forget your tart point book tonight mick as i bet quiet a few points will need handing out after tonights match ::)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 2, 2006 14:56:13 GMT
I don't have a book Jel I keep everything in my head where there's plenty of space :P
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Post by Sparky on Oct 2, 2006 16:52:55 GMT
I don't have a book Jel I keep everything in my head where there's plenty of space :P Bonus Points surely... Oh you can't get any anyway ;D Oh bum I've just broken my promise (to myself) not to post on this zany but very amusing thread.....I'll have to wear the 'horse hair shirt' tonight (wish it was sheep's hair')
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2006 16:58:18 GMT
I don't have a book Jel I keep everything in my head where there's plenty of space :P Bonus Points surely... Oh you can't get any anyway ;D I do believe Sparky has made a play for some tart points, by having a little dig at the administrator. ;D Don't hold back, H/V/P, Sparky is fond of wearing short shorts as well ! ;)
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Post by Sparky on Oct 2, 2006 17:25:37 GMT
I do believe Sparky has made a play for some tart points, by having a little dig at the administrator. ;D Don't hold back, H/V/P, Sparky is fond of wearing short shorts as well ! ;) I'm not going to wear 'Horse Hair' shorts - even for a tartlet. ;)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 3, 2006 6:50:15 GMT
I think it's a good idea at this stage to point out that moderators get double points :o :o :o
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2006 7:26:48 GMT
B*gger ! Better not push for a new Surrey board with me as a moderator, then ! :-[
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Post by Hammy on Oct 3, 2006 12:19:17 GMT
Mick, how did the tart points go last night?? I hear the admiral might have earned a few?!!? ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 3, 2006 13:33:04 GMT
Tart points a plenty last night Jase even though we won 4-1 ;D The Admiral had the game sown up but must have had a grog of rum to many cos then he started playing skittles instead of BB :-X Jel had a late flourish to secure his leg and was visibly shocked to discover that he still got tart points for the 15 or so tart shots he played before he got the break back never mind the inappropriate comments he wos making while I wos playing :o :o :o Roo got quite a few tart points because he's Roo and that's the way it goes ::) Me and Leigh didn't get any cos we didn't do any tart shots and I make the rules ;D ;D ;D
PS Unless you've missed a nought off Charlie Peels score it looks like he's due a couple :P
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Post by milhouse on Oct 3, 2006 14:19:25 GMT
There is a player on my team who after every shot he doesn't pot anything, stands up and shouts "what", its really annoying. How many tart points would that be worth ?
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 3, 2006 15:07:42 GMT
He's got to have a few hundred points just for standing up and saying 'wot' every time + extra points depending on how bad a tart shot he made :P
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Post by milhouse on Oct 3, 2006 15:31:52 GMT
He's got to have a few hundred points just for standing up and saying 'wot' every time + extra points depending on how bad a tart shot he made :P I think he would win the trophy after the first match of the season !!!
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Post by Sparky on Oct 3, 2006 17:10:53 GMT
I think it's a good idea at this stage to point out that moderators get double points :o :o :o Thanks and now I understand why we were the drivers ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 4, 2006 7:55:27 GMT
;D Nice one Graham but as yet I don't think Tart points get put on your licence..........Hmm I wonder if I should introduce on the spot fines :P I should have a word with Roo to see if he can invent a Tart detector :o
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Roo "Convoy!!"
Full Forum Member
"Qualified Pond Diving Instructor!"
Posts: 140
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Post by Roo "Convoy!!" on Oct 4, 2006 12:13:36 GMT
;) I am on the cakse Mick. If McCains can bring out MicroChips then I can invent the 'Tartometer'. A cunning device located in the cue tip housing (approx. 4mm long), that you can record points 'verbally' into (yet discreetly) or by waving the cue over prospective tarts a number of times commensurate with the number of points earned (only to be used when talking into a cue is not practical). When you get home, you can then download onto the mainframe Kipling Cakabase locally, or network into the barbilliards forum direct for instant 'on the spot' results.
Taxi for Convoy....... ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 4, 2006 12:32:08 GMT
Sounds good Roo ;D Without getting too complicated can you devise a camera so we'll have photographic evidence :o Better make it widescreen for the bigger Tarts ::) In your case a mirror half way down the cue should be enough for identification of the Tart in action :P
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Post by Colemanator on Oct 4, 2006 13:02:51 GMT
::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 4, 2006 13:34:03 GMT
A quick update on positions so far :P
Tart Division One
John (Admiral) Birch 7397 pts Kevin (Katie) Tunstall 5828 pts Roo (Convoy) Hare - 5565 pts Graham (Sparky) Sparksman 5382 Mark (Milhouse) Stretford End 5380 pts includes 600 pts for wearing Everton shirt Ian (Jel) Jellis 5259 pts Clive (Tommo) Thompson 4984 pts Ian (Colemanator) Coleman 4853 pts incl 103 indiscriminate pts for not knowing wot indiscriminate means Chris (Lolly) Lawman 4624 pts Bernie (Q) Lawrance 3985 pts Jason (Massive2) Neal 2848 pts
Tart Division 2
Charlie (Peelmeister) Peel 2739 Fazza + Elsie 2120 pts Points added for being called Elsie Vernon (Tart of the day) Sparkes 1830 pts Simon (Cider Juggler) Coleman 1632 pts Keith (Milko) Sheard 1478 pts Mike (MrMike007) Holmewood 1236 pts Johnny (The Split) George 1133 pts Stephen (Club Hurler) Coleman 1083 pts Leigh (Ideal) Holmes 1078 pts Steve (Mario) Mariner 850 pts Paul (Pratnav) Jellis 849 pts Mick (Herr von Puebik) Loake 115 pts
Let me know if I've forgotten anyone :P
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Post by Hammy on Oct 4, 2006 15:35:28 GMT
Think I need to try and turn my season around already to try and make it into the 1st Division?? :o
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Post by Sparky on Oct 4, 2006 16:19:51 GMT
;D Nice one Graham but as yet I don't think Tart points get put on your licence..........Hmm I wonder if I should introduce on the spot fines :P I should have a word with Roo to see if he can invent a Tart detector :o Will your spies have instant access to the DVLA (Direct Vetting Loake Awards) or would you control the fines yourself...no doubt quality control would diminish with interference ;D ;D :o
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 4, 2006 16:38:36 GMT
The only spies I've got are Kipling Mince Spies with the exception of Tommo but it should get easier with Roo's Tartometer ::)
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jel
Distinguished Member
ian jellis
Posts: 949
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Post by jel on Oct 4, 2006 20:01:42 GMT
you seem to have forgot the points for simon coleman cider juggler :o i think he needs a few more ( or less maybe) for nearly knocking my teeth out with my own pint glass during last nights meeting ;D
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2006 7:56:31 GMT
I do believe Sparky is hankering after some tart points for himself…………. Only happy to oblige.
This is the man who, on our team’s recent excursions into the heathen territory otherwise known as the city of Brighton and Hove, asked to be picked up halfway: The meeting point for this liaison dangereuse was a dark, disused stretch of road alongside (but on a level below) the dual carriageway. Fields with sheep in on one side. ;) As we swept round off the carriageway to the disused bit, Sparky would be lurking there in his parked car. A quick flash of his headlights acknowledged our arrival. Our driver gave a quick flash of recognition back, whereupon three other cars flashed back at us !!! A bit suspect, don’t you think ? ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Oct 5, 2006 8:15:33 GMT
Are you sure the sheep didn't have torches :o :o :o
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Post by triplex on Oct 5, 2006 9:36:31 GMT
I think Stephen should be high on the tart point list now mate after his mistaken his golf club for a discuss last sunday ::)
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