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Post by fazza on Sept 22, 2006 12:45:36 GMT
What is the best instant reply you have ever made, or heard?
It would be better if it is bar billiards related, and as original as possible.
For example:
Many years ago at a bar billiards meeting, I was trying to get support for a new venture ( I will not go into further detail ), but not getting much positive response.
I said, "Well I suppose I could write a book about complacency instead, but nobody would bother to read it!"
You get the idea?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2006 13:42:54 GMT
Well, Pete, it's a long time ago whilst I still had some hair to speak of. I tried a chat-up line on a girl, and her reply was :
"I want a dreamboat, not a shipwreck".
Pretty good, I thought. :'( :'( :'(
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Josie
Full Forum Member
Posts: 365
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Post by Josie on Sept 22, 2006 16:43:56 GMT
Oh dear - you've reminded me of a very snappy reply I made to an ex-team mate.
For those of you that remember him - it was to David Holloway! He had a very annoying habit of playing with the change/keys in his pocket when you were on the table. I was playing and getting (if I remember rightly!) quite a good break. He was jangling away like there was no tomorrow. I just looked up at him and said . . .
"If you're going to do that - f**k off up to the bar and buy me a drink".
For some reason that little habit soon fizzled out!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2006 18:29:06 GMT
He had a very annoying habit of playing with the change/keys in his pocket when you were on the table. He was probably feeling a little cocky until your put-down, Josie. ;) ;D |
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Josie
Full Forum Member
Posts: 365
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Post by Josie on Sept 22, 2006 18:47:55 GMT
Clive!!!!!! :o
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Post by fazza on Sept 23, 2006 6:15:20 GMT
Yes I think that men that play with change in their pocket are trying to make a hole at the bottom so that they can do just that!!!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2006 14:15:16 GMT
On a trip to the opticians the shop assistant and I had discerned that as my prescription had change it was an 'opportunity for me!!' to purchase new lenses. So, being the sheep I am, I agreed and the discussion came on to frames.
She said: Mr Clough, have you any Idea of what style of frames you would like?
I said: Just some that make me look handsome would be terrific!! (In a jokey kind of way)
She said: Mr Clough, I thought you had realised the here we do spectacles, not miracles!!
That put me in my place!
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Post by milhouse on Sept 25, 2006 15:07:35 GMT
On a trip to the opticians the shop assistant and I had discerned that as my prescription had change it was an 'opportunity for me!!' to purchase new lenses. So, being the sheep I am, I agreed and the discussion came on to frames. She said: Mr Clough, have you any Idea of what style of frames you would like? I said: Just some that make me look handsome would be terrific!! (In a jokey kind of way) She said: Mr Clough, I thought you had realised the here we do spectacles, not miracles!! That put me in my place! Did you report her to her boss and get her the sack ? ;D ;) ;D ;) :D :D ;D |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2006 15:37:03 GMT
No, she was quite charming so I laughed.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2006 17:56:10 GMT
Groucho Marx is famous for several good put-downs, his two most famous :
1. I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it !
2. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Sir Winston Churchill was also master of the snap witticism :
1. Nancy Astor - You're drunk.
Churchill - And you're ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober. (The female role in this repartee is also attributed to Bessie Braddock.)
2. Nancy Astor - If you were my husband, I would poison your tea.
Churchill - Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
3. Anonymous woman - There are two things I don't like about you, Mr Churchill - your politics and your moustache.
Churchill - My dear madam, pray do not disturb yourself. You are not likely to come into contact with either.
4. George Bernard Shaw invited Churchill to the first night of a new play, ending with 'Bring a friend, if you have one.'
Churchill wrote back: 'Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.'
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2006 18:07:23 GMT
Julian Clary does a few nasty ones:
Don't clap on your own; someone will throw you a fish.
and,
You're quite a wit.... well, I was half right.
From Blackadder :
Edmund to his sidekick/servant Baldrick.
Blackadder - Baldrick, you're fired.
Baldrick - (aghast) Oh, but I've been in your family since 1532!
Blackadder - So has syphilis. Now get out.
Lastly, me when someone I don't really want to speak to phones up and the wife takes the message :
- 'Tell him I'm f**king busy, or vice versa.'
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Post by fazza on Sept 26, 2006 6:08:15 GMT
No, she was quite charming so I laughed. I had wondered how you met your wife! |
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Post by The Bullet on Sept 27, 2006 7:31:39 GMT
On of the best replies/putdowns I’ve heard was from Keith Roberts an outstanding player in his day.
Back in the mid seventies season I had scored just under thirteen thousand a new Guernsey (possibly Channel Islands) highest score.
For this achievement I was picked a reserve for the Island to play the crapauds. On the night of the match one of the opposition came over to speak to me and Keith and asked if I had played the table out to which I replied no I was a couple of minutes short.
The Jersey chappie then turned to Keith and asked sarcastically “have you ever played a table out?” to which Keith replied “no I always miss the two hundred with the last ball!”
Poor Mr Jerseyman was not amused and did not speak to us for the rest of the night.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2006 8:00:29 GMT
Bono was at a U2 concert in Dublin when he asked the audience for some quiet. Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he said in to the microphone... "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from near the front pierced the silence...
"Well, f***ing stop clapping then"
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