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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 13, 2007 17:19:10 GMT
Hey all I hate my avatar thing, don't know how to change it to something more interesting or appropriate/inappropriate and if I did know I have to admit I is too down right lazy to to try so here I present to you all a challenge to find/create an avatar that would suit the mighty machine Sir Jock o The Strap. This should be interesting and gives you all an opportunity to poke a wee bit o fun at the Jockster!
Those who know me will know me those who don't will just have to guess what I is about. Free beer to the winner!!!!! or of course fruit based soft drink for the lady that wins, maybe, if she's good looking, and a bit loose around the........never mind, you get the idea!!!
Good luck
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2007 20:59:41 GMT
Tommo to the rescue to take up Jock's challenge.............. So's not to disappoint, here's the ones that qualify as fun-poking : OR, Put this one in the relevant place in your Profile (click copy on it here and paste when you find the place to insert it). It's a moving one, and it might have a bit of special relevance. See what you think. img1.jurko.net/avatar_1785.gif
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2007 21:26:29 GMT
I'm good to you. I've even investigated the perfect job for you in case you ever feel drawn back by bonny banks and braes...............
Situations vacant: Just a tartan gigolo CLAIRE GARDNER (cgardner@scotlandonsunday.com)
A NEW skills shortage is threatening Scotland: we don’t have enough ‘gigolos’.
Clean-cut, intelligent men are desperately needed to accompany an emerging breed of 30 and 40-something professional women who cannot find the time to find a man.
Two of the UK’s biggest escort agencies are looking for at least 40 charming, socially-adept Scotsmen to act as ‘male arm candy’ at high-powered functions where turning up with a presentable man is as important as wearing the right outfit.
And while they stress sex is strictly off the menu, male escorts get a free meal and champagne to go with their £45-an-hour pay packet.
Internet escort agencies SigUK and UK Plus are both looking for around 20 Scotsmen aged 29-49 to provide charming company in the Glasgow and Edinburgh areas.
Most of the firm’s clients are power-dressing businesswomen aged between 39 and 49 who require a companion for the evening capable of switching effortlessly between discussing entry requirements for the euro and the relative merits of Nigella Lawson and Delia Smith.
Tony Perry, 45, founder of SigUk, which has more than 200 men on its books, insists on a three-fold procedure which he claims weeds out the men from the boys.
He said the rewards were high for those that made the grade. "They walk away with a minimum of £135 for a night’s work with a free dinner and usually champagne and good wine so it’s not a bad way to make a living.
"But we don’t take any old rubbish. We ask men to fill out an application form which probes their background and asks why they want to be escorts.
"If under occupation people put jobs such as warehouse assistant then they get binned. It may sound harsh but it’s professional women we’re dealing with so we need a certain calibre of men," he said.
Applicants are also asked to enclose a photograph, and while they don’t have to be Brad Pitt lookalikes, they do have to be attractive.
"Women have varying tastes, some like the rugged look, but very popular is the clean-cut, clean-living man."
If a candidate passes the first test they are then given a gruelling telephone interview. The final stage is checking they do not have a criminal record.
"We make it quite clear from the start that sex is simply not an option. We do not offer that sort of service."
A Glasgow businesswoman - who asked to be identified only as Margaret, 42 - has used the escort service six times, four for business functions and twice for business-related dinner parties.
"The first time I booked an escort I was very cautious about the whole thing," she said.
"However, to prevent any embarrassing mishaps, I arranged to meet him the day before for lunch to check he was going to be okay and also to agree a story about how we met," she said.
"The first was a bank manager who was used to mixing at executive level and knew exactly how to conduct himself."
Margaret, who is single and said she used the service because she was too busy to find herself a man, said her friends were both horrified and fascinated when they found out.
She added: "One of the reasons I use an escort is to project an image of being complete. Many business dinners are male dominated and you can easily feel very uncomfortable being on your own."
Perry set up the company two years ago to provide ‘straight’ males to escort ‘straight’ females, with a strict no-sex policy.
Perry has three Scotsmen on his books but needs many more. He added that while many clients are businesswomen, they do not make up the whole story.
"The other 30% are women who are perhaps divorced who have had bad experiences with men and want to be taken out and treated like a lady for a night."
UK Plus has also been swamped by women requesting male escorts in Glasgow, Edinburgh and even Aberdeen for the first time. So far, they have only one Scotsman to satisfy demand.
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 13, 2007 21:38:26 GMT
Brilliant Stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Where in the cosmos do you find this stuff!!!!
Love the avatars keep em coming!!!!!!!!!!!
Aw cum oan jamsie, gies a wee feel o yer erse fir a couple o oranges, jist til pay day ye ken?
Rab C Nesbitt
as you can see 'special relevance' is now in winning position but has not won yet so do keep them coming please!!!!!
Sir Jock o The Strap
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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2007 22:02:20 GMT
While we're at it, some more Rab C quotes:
1.Nesbitt:{To Camera}Look at this eh?,British Driving Movies,Burnt oot sierra and a stolen portable telly,that's scum wi attitude.
2.Nesbitt:{To camera}See that Moses?,his name's Mud round about Govan{mimicking Moses}Oh yes,we are away up the promise land we'll be back in a wee minute,never seen the bastard again.
3.Burney:My mother had me when she was past thirty,her tits had dropped that much i had tae hump my back to get a breast feed aff her.
4.Jamesie:Whit's up Rab?
Nesbitt:I think Mary's got another bloke,somebody sexier than me.
Jamesie:Sexier than you,naw,Kevin Costner doesn't live in Govan Rab.
Nesbitt:Aye,and he better no start thinking o bloody moving.
5.Mary:You come staggering back in here after 3 months in the jail and expect me to welcome you wi open arms?.
Nesbitt:Open legs would be better.
6.Mary:{To camera}It's lovely being able tae talk about ma family like this,I'm fair flattered so i am,i havenae had this much attention since my last smear test.
7. as Rab said in Rab C Nesbitt Live '' i live in a neighbourhood where the bastard's would steal the eyes out of your head and then have the cheek to come back for the sockets''
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 14, 2007 18:33:55 GMT
And some more
Jamesie Cotter: [Rab has been told that he has only a year to live if he doesn't stop drinking. He's shared this with his drinking pals who include Andra and Dodie. This news has scared Jamesie into wanting to give up the demon drink] Rab, you and me, we go back a longs ways together. Rab C. Nesbitt: Aye, we dae, we dae, we dae, aye... Jamesie Cotter: We started goin in tae pubs together, then we went on tae secondary school. Rab C. Nesbitt: Aye, what's the point, what's the point...! Jamesie Cotter: The point, yae big wet slopbledger is - if you're on yer way oot with yer liver like an insole, then so are we! Cos we huv matched you pint for pint for the last 25 bloody years! Andra: BASTARD!
Rab C. Nesbitt: [to the audience] What a business, all because I take a wee drink, eh... Tell yae wan thing - see all this shoutin? It does not half give yae a helluva thirst. Stranger: [handing Rab a bottle of booze from off screen] That's the game, pal, you tell them. There's nuthin the matter wie a wee drink. Rab C. Nesbitt: [pleased] Oh... Who the hell are you by the way? Stranger: Ah c'mon, Rab. Use your imagination [the camera away cuts to the stranger who is revealed to be a pink elephant in a suit and cap] Stranger: I'm the heebie Jeebie. [the pink elephant starts shaking its head and making funny noises at Rab] Rab C. Nesbitt: [spitting out the drink and screaming in fear] Heebie jeebie!
After meeting his Spanish double on a holiday to Benidorm... Rab: “There's nothing that restores yer faith more in human nature than meeting some poor bastard that's just as mad as yourself.”
One from Mary as well
Nurse: [Mary has gone under a serious operation in hospital. But something unforseen has happened as she lies in bed afterwards] I'm afraid your stitches have burst, Mrs. Nesbitt. Mary Nesbitt: Oh, thank goodness for that, nurse. For a minute there I though I'd pissed mysel.
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 14, 2007 18:39:48 GMT
How about these?
...further to the theme of Tartan Day... here are some fine examples of the Scottish wit... of which, the Straight White House has been lacking as of late.... so, in further celebration of everything Scottish, I raise my glass to you all...
"There is nothing the Scots like better to hear than abuse of the English" Pope Pius II (1405-1464) after a visit to Scotland in 1435.... (heh... things haven't changed much over the years...)
"There are few more impressive sights in the World than a Scotsman on the make." J. M Barrie (1860-1937)
"A typical Scot has bad teeth, a good chance of cancer, a liver under severe stress, and a heart-attack pending. He smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish, and regularly makes an exhibition of himself" Alan Bold (1943-)
"There is something in Burns for every moment of a man's life, good days and bad." H.V. Morton (1892-1979)
"Rab C. Nesbitt: Know the best thing yi can say about Rothesay? At least it isnae Dunoon. What a gaff that is, by the way. All the atmosphere of the interior of a wardrobe. Built for the nuclear age. Only toon in the hemisphere to have achieved total meltdown of the human spirit. Even saying the name makes yi feel as if its started drizzling on the roof of your mouth. Dun-oon!" Ian Pattison (1950-)
"Equality is the soul of Liberty; there is, in fact, no Liberty without it" Frances Wright (1795-1852)
"There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is Malt Whiskey" F. Marian McNeill (1885-1973)
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Post by Sir Jock o The Strap on Apr 14, 2007 18:46:09 GMT
Started some thing stupid here
... here are some handy Scots words and phrases for you to ruminate over... hell, maybe even throw them into your next conversation to add a little Caledonian Spice....
Blether: to speak indistinctly; to talk nonsense; to prattle on.... ...usage: "He wouldnae shut up! He just kept blethering!"
Blatherskite: a babbler; a foolish talker.... ...usage: "What a blatherskite... someone should smack'im"...
Glaikit: senseless; silly; giddy... pronounced "glay-kit" ...usage: "Yep, he sat there through the whole debate with a glaikit look on his face...and, the other guy was a keechie blatherskite"....
Keech: dirt, shit, to void yourself of excrement.... pronounced Key-kkhh ...usage: "What a load of keech... politicians have keech for brains"..
Footer: to bungle; to work hastily, unskillfully and in a manner that calls for contempt... ...usage: "Stop footering about, and write a REAL blog entry, you bastard!"
Foost: anything useless or needless; a dirty fellow, one who breaks wind ...usage: (directly from the Jocks missus, "My bloke is foosty")... actually, she's sitting on the couch reading these to me from a Scots dictionary... and, I think she's blatherskiting..
....so, y'all have a good night, Happy Tartan Day.... and, wipe that glaikit look off your fizzogs...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2007 20:45:14 GMT
One more entry to Jock's competition :
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Post by ponytailguy on Apr 19, 2007 16:16:21 GMT
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Post by Q on Apr 19, 2007 16:20:24 GMT
Like this
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Post by Q on Apr 19, 2007 16:24:40 GMT
But when you reduce it to avatar size it becomes
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Post by ponytailguy on Apr 19, 2007 16:25:34 GMT
a ha thank you
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