Brits Critique: unanswered questions

[fazza]

I have just been catching up with the things I have recorded on the video this week, and wondering why I bothered.

Here is a taste of my TV highlight of the week, which just goes to show how sad my life is at the moment!


The Great Unanswered Questions from the BRITS 2008:

1. Just how tight did Mika’s trousers have to be to be able to sing like that?
2. …did Sir Ian McKellern help him to get them on…or off?
3. …and isn’t it a pity that Alan Carr left his Ding-Dong at home?
4. …and why did Mika feel compelled to sing with that little red dumpling in the opening number?
5. What happened at her birth to make Kelly Osbourne’s jawbones that wide?
6. Why did Sharon think “DIVERSITY” was such a big word to use?
7. …and did she know what it meant?
8. Is there any connection between the answers to questions 5 and 6?
9. Will Chris Moyles ever be as funny as he thinks he is?
10. …and how many pizzas will he eat before it happens?
11. Where did they get that idea of scantily clad girls accompanying the winners to the stage? (It was “So Graham Norton!” wasn’t it?)
12. How much would you like to share Rhianna’s umbrella, or would you rather just get wet? (Me too!)
13. Were you actually looking at the TV when you heard Fearne Cotton ask Mark Owen backstage “Can I hold it?"
14. How did they get those helicopters flying on stage behind the Kaiser Chiefs?
15. Had Amy Winehouse borrowed David Tennent’s time machine to travel forward in time a few years when she recorded “I should have gone to Rehab”?
16. Who the hell is Valerie? (P.S. because I would like to make her my next wife. I think “Valerie Farrelly” sounds good!)
17. Is the reason Ozzy was on stage so little because he had to get the Duracells recharged?
18. Were they OVERcharged which made him introduce Paul McCartney about five minutes too soon? Premature Ecartneyation!
19. Why were there so many American accents at the BRITS?
20. Why did one of the Arctic Monkeys have a horn, standing next to Kelly O?
21. How much alcohol was consumed in the Green Room for those presenting all the awards?
22. Wasn’t it a bit cruel to Heather when Paul McCartney started singing about Dancing Around?
23. …and then playing a ukulele which would always remind her that there would always be a job at his mansion “Cleaning Windows”?
24. …and then playing “Lie and Let Die!” in her honour?
25. Why was there no mention of our own KT Tunstall?

But, “Suddenly I See” the answers to some easy questions:

26. Why was the programme not pre-recorded? The 120 minute programme could then have been shown in highlight form and saved us all 119 minutes of our lives, and provided Anne Robinson with a whole series of Out-Take programmes.
27. What is the difference between Mika and Heather McCartney? Mika has a weird False Etto, whereas Heather has a weird ……………….
28. Who should get the special Sam Fox-Mick Fleetwood Award for Cringeworthiness? Easy: Vic Reeves and Sharon Osbourne (that was the only bit I was able to catch LIVE, and the very moment I decided that I was going to write this critique for all my fans on the forum).


Thank you, good night, and we all look forward to next year>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[Colemanator]

:-/

fazza said:

The Great Unanswered Questions from the BRITS 2008:

1. Just how tight did Mika’s trousers have to be to be able to sing like that? 2. …did Sir Ian McKellern help him to get them on…or off?

5. What happened at her birth to make Kelly Osbourne’s jawbones that wide? 6. Why did Sharon think “DIVERSITY” was such a big word to use? 7. …and did she know what it meant?

9. Will Chris Moyles ever be as funny as he thinks he is? 10. …and how many pizzas will he eat before it happens?

12. How much would you like to share Rhianna’s umbrella, or would you rather just get wet? (Me too!)

15. Had Amy Winehouse borrowed David Tennent’s time machine to travel forward in time a few years when she recorded “I should have gone to Rehab”? 16. Who the hell is Valerie? (P.S. because I would like to make her my next wife. I think “Valerie Farrelly” sounds good!)

22. Wasn’t it a bit cruel to Heather when Paul McCartney started singing about Dancing Around?

25. Why was there no mention of our own KT Tunstall?

28. Who should get the special Sam Fox-Mick Fleetwood Award for Cringeworthiness? Easy: Vic Reeves and Sharon Osbourne (that was the only bit I was able to catch LIVE

Well, I didn't catch any of it, but like yourself I try and keep up with the latest in pop, of which I have been an avid fan for most of my life.
So although this is not billed as a quiz, I've selected some points and will make a brief comment which others can add to, if they so wish.

1,2 Mika is brilliant, best showman since Freddie Mercury. I am pretty convinced that Sir Ian would like to have helped as you suggested.

5,6,7 Kelly and her mum both have the foulest of mouths. Which would suit Ozzy with his propensity for biting the heads off defenceless animals. There is possibly one person with a fouler taste - Lily Allen.

9,10 Chris Moyes has definitely had a charisma bypass and certainly has an 'ideal face for radio'.

12 No, I think Rhianna and her 10-week number one are both tremendous. I'd love to share her umbrella. :-*

15,16 Valerie was a good record by the Zutons, spoiled by Amy Wingehouse. Having her sing it doesn't make sense unless she's a lesbian. I'd love to meet Valerie and the way she loves to dress and her ginger hair too. But if you meet her first, best of luck. 8-)

22 Paul was earlier asked what ever possessd him to want to "go down on one knee". "I'd prefer it if you referred to her as Heather" was his reply. :o ;)

25 Good question. No awards either for Keane or The Feeling. I'm sure they're good, but I can't even name a song by the Arctic Monkeys.

28 Apparently Vic was stumbling over his words 'cos at that moment the autocue packed up. Sharon rounded on him and, with the bleepometer working overtime, accused him of being pi$$ed, which shows what a bitch she is.

[fazza]

I also think Rhianna is "quite nice", hence I will be getting wet later with her in mind!!!!!!!!