Post by davejones on Dec 24, 2008 22:56:53 GMT
Dear Family & Friends,
Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you
have forwarded to me over the year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat lovely in
the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But
that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from
the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward email's to
seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider
is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always
read their email's while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Hope your festive season is just wonderful
Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you
have forwarded to me over the year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat lovely in
the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same
reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But
that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft
are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from
the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split seven million dollars
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward email's to
seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore and Uzbekistan .
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider
is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.
I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because
it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to
grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who don't have enough sex, always
read their email's while holding the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Hope your festive season is just wonderful