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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 12, 2006 7:50:31 GMT
Oh yeah I suppose some people are interested in that as well ::)
Our 'A' team won last night after a really good game but it did go down to the last leg with a difference of 1220 but we were Colemanated after Si went on first and came off after about 9k.
Congratulations to the 'A' team and thanks for a very good night ;D ;D
Thanks also to the Exile team for a very good and entertaining summer season ;D :P ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2006 8:45:36 GMT
Why thank you. Fourth is not a bad first-time showing for someone who hasn't been "Kippled" before. I'll try harder next time. :P
There's quite a few other tarts down here in Surrey - I would have awarded Keith Wilkinson and Richard Plaw points for their ability to regularly get slozzelled on a half or shandy and then use that as an excuse for not joining in on our Forum. ???
Congratulations to the Burton Cons and the Colemanation of what sounds like an excellent summer competition. 8-)
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jel
Distinguished Member
ian jellis
Posts: 949
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Post by jel on Sept 12, 2006 15:56:54 GMT
it was a good summer league this year ;D i think splitting the two groups up so it was more local helped a lot :D also a good first crack at being captain for mick, a job well done ;D ;D
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Post by Colemanator on Sept 12, 2006 19:20:16 GMT
are you running this award for the winter league? What is the origin of the kipling award is it anything to do with Mr Kipling cakes, I once knew a Miss Kipling, she was an exceedingly good f*** ;D Maybe we ought to run the 'brides nighty award' how many times and who would be the current holders if it had been implemented. :o
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2006 19:37:26 GMT
Sounds like you should have gone over to Tampa with Lolly, Colemanator ! ;D ;D ;)
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Post by Colemanator on Sept 12, 2006 20:21:52 GMT
Kinnell i aint tampaing with him, he's ALOT bigger than me, any way what are you getting at :-/ :-* ::) ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 13, 2006 8:30:03 GMT
Are you taking Lolly's word for it that he is bigger than you or have you actually compared :-X :o :o :o :o :o
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2006 10:07:57 GMT
I’m disappointed now that the Kipling Awards for Tarts have reached their climactic conclusion. :'( Throwing it ‘Open’ at the last minute was a noble gesture, and allowed Tony Blair (who let’s face it would show up at the Opening of a fridge ::)) to sneak into second place. But unfortunately there was insufficient time for consideration of two worthy late nominations :
1. Richard Wooton for starting off the trend of wearing surfing shorts (the equivalent of female hot pants) to Opens. Some points could also be allowed for Katie, sparky and Q for this one. Hell, I’ve even jumped on the bandwagon myself and bought a couple of pairs :-[, but unfortunately these won’t be on show at the Berks Open as regrettably I can’t make the event.
2. Fazza. He’s behaved like a complete Tart on the Forum recently, demonstrating severe mood swings; making “inappropriate remarks”, then feigning injured feelings when taken to task. Also, flirting with OnParole with whom apparently he’s planning having a love child :-* - and correcting a certain very erudite distinguished member on his grammar >:((=points for criticism) and general dereliction of duty : this apparently concerns a long-outstanding house decoration project which he has somehow managed to string out longer than it took Michelangelo to re-paint the Cistene Chapel. :P ;D
If any points accrue, maybe they can be held over and count towards next year ? ;D 8-)
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Post by triplex on Sept 13, 2006 11:04:20 GMT
I thought i would get bonus points for the way i let my pint fall and catch it in my lap while not losing count while scoring.... :'(
But it could of been better cause when Jel took over from scoring, he was so close to sitting on the chair....now that would of been good ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 13, 2006 11:29:23 GMT
You didn't have any score to lose count of Si as I missed the ball I went for on the next shot :'(
Anyhoo apologies to Richard Wooton and Fazza but your entries were received to late to be considered :(
Perhaps we should have a Kipling Open :o Dunno where it should be held though........ :P JG's getting quite keen on Opens so perhaps Cambridge ::)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2006 11:58:55 GMT
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 13, 2006 13:38:14 GMT
Oh......Sussex :D That'll do ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2006 14:01:13 GMT
Our downland sheep are still recovering after your last visit. ;D ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 13, 2006 15:20:03 GMT
We couldn't catch the upland ones :-/
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jel
Distinguished Member
ian jellis
Posts: 949
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Post by jel on Sept 13, 2006 15:52:57 GMT
what do you think lolly and massive 2 are getting fit for :o
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 13, 2006 16:17:39 GMT
That's wot ewe think ::)
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jel
Distinguished Member
ian jellis
Posts: 949
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Post by jel on Sept 13, 2006 17:52:20 GMT
oh no not the sheep jokes again ::) i'm off to the wooley for a pint then ;D
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Post by Hammy on Sept 14, 2006 7:23:03 GMT
Are you catching a bus to the Woolpack?? I hear 'Shearings' do a great service!!! :o ;D ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 14, 2006 7:52:55 GMT
We tried Jase but it wos ram jam full
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2006 17:06:20 GMT
It's possible you might run into my mate 'Shaun' along the way. ;D
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Post by Colemanator on Sept 14, 2006 17:52:41 GMT
Mr Pubic and Jel live on the Ise Lodge estate, where men are men and sheep are scared ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2006 18:31:40 GMT
A PhD in sheep shagging
So, there is a guy in his final year at University, and he decides to do a thesis on Sheep Shagging. (Strange behaviour, considering he was studying Electronics ... but, never mind ... I digress).
He calls upon a Surrey Sheep Farmer to ask his opinions.
'Well, I gets the hind legs ... stuffs them into me wellies ... and then takes them from behind. That's it.'
'Oh, thank you' says the student, taking copious notes along with sketches etc.
Next he visits a farm down in Dorset.
'What are your view on sheep shagging?' he asks boldly.
'Well, you've got to take the hind legs, stuff them into the wellingtons, and then take the sheep from behind. That's all there is to it'
'Oh. Thank you very much for your information' the student replies, once again scribbling away in his notebook.
The Student, intent on finding out the most about sheep shagging from farmers far and wide, visits Wales.
'How do you sheep shag?' he confronts one farmer.
And once again he gets the same reply. 'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Give the sheep one from behind.'
Scottish farmers gave The Student the same answer. Maybe it was something to do with Great Britain or something ... so he travels to Europe.
All across Greece, Turkey, Italy, Austria, France ... no matter where he went he got the same answer 'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Take the sheep from behind.'
The Student began to get depressed. No matter where he went, would he ever get a different answer? Surely there must be someone, somewhere, that shagged sheep differently.
He travelled to the Southern Hemisphere.
At New Zealand he obtained the same answer to the same question.
'Take the hind legs. Stuff them into the wellingtons. Take the sheep from behind.'
Finally he manages to find a small outback farm in the middle of Australia. He approaches the sheep farmer and explains his predicament. Gladly the Australian sheep farmer explains his method.
'Well, you get the sheep; throw it on its back; spread its legs and then do the business.'
'Eh? ... ' replied The Student, incredulously. 'You don't put the legs in the wellingtons and take the sheep from behind?'
'WHAT!?', says the Aussie Farmer ... 'And miss out on all the *kissing* ?'
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 15, 2006 7:37:50 GMT
After re-reading the rules Rule 7 sub section C allows me to award you extra Tart points for that one Tommo which moves you up to 3rd place :o :o
The Colemanators live in Thrapston where there are no longer any sheep :-/ They couldn't stand the pressure :-* :-* ( The sheep that is )
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2006 8:06:18 GMT
The results of my investigation into the matter are that obviously whatever sheep used to live there were led to the eastern side of the Nene Valley and taken up to the edge where, obviously, they’ll push back more: ;D Eventually one by one they probably all ended up at the bottom of the quarry. :'(
Thanks for the extra Tart points. Does the extension last till Sunday at Reading– for anyone still wearing surfing shorts at the Berks Open ? ;)
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 15, 2006 9:01:21 GMT
Sorry Tommo unfortunately (or fortunately for everyone else) I won't be at the Berks Open so I can't judge any entries there :-/ Maybe you should start your own 'Dressed like a Kipling' award with extra points for surfers and Men in Black impersonators ;D ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2006 13:43:19 GMT
I won't be there either, unfortunately. The wife hinted that I was "prostituting myself in the cause of earning a few extra ranking points". ;D There do I get some extra points for an extra mention of tarts, along with the ones you owe me for the sheep joke, also any for having a friend called Baahhh-bara ? ;D
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 15, 2006 14:10:22 GMT
I suspected that you probably had a friend called Baaah bara and had already allowed for it in the points awarded ;) As it is now getting very close I have decided to go with the 1945 version of the rules ( that is 19.45 last night ) and drawn a line under this years league placings. You did finish in 3rd place Tommo with a commendable total of 4215 1/2 pts. Your prize is a signed photo from a dubious looking lady I noticed on a street corner in Northampton
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Post by Colemanator on Sept 15, 2006 18:46:17 GMT
Your prize is a signed photo from a dubious looking lady I noticed on a street corner in Northampton Oh you've been knocking around the kings Heath area then :o
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Post by Herr von Puebik on Sept 18, 2006 8:29:27 GMT
Nope...not bin round there Ian ::) I might have a look out of interest though :P Do I get a discount if I mention your name :-X
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Post by davejones on Sept 19, 2006 19:08:20 GMT
What is the following dingbat:
SHEEP SHEEP SHEEP
Answer if no one gets it correctly tomorrow
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